Those Beautifully Large Hands

He previously said that his hands were larger than normal, which makes me think that during his impeachment trial, The Emperor will offer to put on a pair of large gloves and repeat the classic quote, "If it don't fit, you must acquit."

Some Suggested Protest Banners

Many people have figured out how to get The Emperor to lose it, while others haven't quite figured it out. Tiny signs are impossible to read, especially for a guy who does not read much nor inclined to read anything but simple points. Also, he doesn't care about what you think on the issues, but he does care about his image and messages about his image.

Therefore, rather than holding up individual signs, to get your message across, you must coordinate and use banners. Most importantly, you must attack appropriately.

If you're going to line the bridge to Mar-a-Lago (or anywhere, really) here are some of my suggestions:

Reissued Photo From Live Press Briefing

Who Said it?

"I saw those numbers, and you like me, and I like you. That's the way it works."

(A) -- Krusty the Clown.
(B) -- Mister Rodgers.
(C) -- Elmo.
(D) -- Donald Trump.
(E) -- Barney, the purple dinosaur.
(F) -- Grover.
(G) -- Yo Mama.
(H) -- Gomer Pyle.

What Not to Do When You're Tired

"It was at the end of a long day & he was tired & fatigue was setting in."
CNN on White House's response to Trump's hanging up on Aussie PM.

— Karen DaltonBeninato (@kbeninato) February 2, 2017

In an updated scenario, it's 3 a.m. and the phone rings while The Emperor is sitting on the toilet. He gives the go-ahead: Something about The Apprentice Show with Arnold and bombing.

Hey, it was at the end of a long day and he was tired. Can you really blame The Emperor for dropping the nuclear bomb on LA, when in fact, all he was doing was commenting on an 's-bomb'?

In Case Anyone Needed Some Clarity

Top 5 Future Executive Orders

In light of the chaos and flat out ridiculousness of The Emperor's Executive Orders, the pressure is on to produce the highest quality Executive Orders going forward. Here is my list of the top 5, snarky, of course:

1. EO to End All EOs: In order to shrink the size of government, for every Executive Order issued two prior Executive Orders shall be rescinded.
2. MAGA: By Executive Order, and to remove any doubt, America shall hereby be made great, again.
3. Declaration of Greatness: In light of recent criticisms, this Executive Order establishes that The Emperor is Great, that his hands are larger than normal, and that his penis is of enviable length and girth.
4. All Things Constitutional and Legal: To remove all doubt and questions over The Emperor's actions, this Executive Order declares that all actions and those of his representatives shall be considered Constitutional and Legal.
5. Alternative Facts: In order to Make America Great, Again, this Executive Order establishes a new cabinet-level position, the Alternative Facts Bureau, through which all alternative facts shall be established and disseminated.

Why English Grammar matters.

I'm not perfect, but even I understand why a panda eats, shoots, and leaves. (Answer: Because he's a 2nd Amendment supporter, of course!)

Nonetheless, it seems that The Emperor either encountered a grammatical issue or else he just admitted that he's a purveyor of fake news. Via WSJ:

On the unsubstantiated dossier of political opposition research published this week: 

“It’s fake news. They made it up. I’ve had a lot of stuff made up over the last two years."

Indeed, he has "had a lot of stuff made up", so much so that he named his own son after one of his made up personas -- Barron. True story.

With Apologies to Felix Schaad

Felix Schaad, a political cartoonist for Tages-Anzeiger, recently posted a great cartoon poking fun at The Emperor.

Being a Snarkologist, I couldn't resist modifying it; it's not that the original wasn't good enough, but that this slight modification made it snarkier. I mean c'mon man, you know in your heart this is exactly how The Emperor reacted.

Again, apologies to Felix Schaad and Tages-Anzeiger.

The Emperor Makes Demands

The Emperor:

For many years our country has been divided, angry and untrusting. Many say it will never change, the hatred is too deep. IT WILL CHANGE!!!! 

Damn right. In 2009 we should have clarified in federal law that Republicanism was Treason, subject to capital punishment. Heck, we could have solved global warming and income disparity in one fell swoop, people!

😆