5 Things You Will Never Hear From Donodus

We are careful not to present base cynicism. Instead, we only offer the highest quality cynicism available today.* Thus, here are five things you will never hear from Donodus, Emperor of America**:

1. "I was wrong."
2. "I am not familiar with this topic to properly answer it."
3. "I do not know."
4. "What do you think?"
5. "I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."***

* -- Availability is limited to stock on hand; no rain checks.

** -- Donald + Commodus = Donodus; America is no longer the "United States" of.

*** -- Apologies to Radiohead. As you know, Donodus is against foreign trade that takes away jobs from Americans, and therefore, we can rightly presume that he has never listened to, nor repeated, the lyrics of a foreign-based music group.